Crushes and Past Experiences

Continuing with the 30 Day Anime Challenge and making a blog everyday, here’s something different!

So this is going to be a kind of different blog from what I normally write. Today in the 30 day anime challenge is my anime crush and this one is gonna be weird for me to answer so I figured I’d answer that question then go into experience with love or whatever haha. So anyway yeah this will be about life experience instead of movies and other things although I’m still going to talk about anime because you know. Let’s start with that! 30 anime challenge thing yeah! Also I’ll continue the anime I never finished list because I need to finish that. Don’t think I forgot!

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Day 7 – Your Anime Crush

So this was a hard one to answer where I feel like yeah I have to get into experience with crushes and relationships and why this was a weird one for me. I might regret that later but oh well I’m just gonna go for it. I’m probably thinking too much about it, when it is just a fun sorta thing to think about and not something to take seriously. Anyway! Anime crush, the fictional characters that I like or would like to know in real life I guess? So I’m just going to say a few characters that I really liked but it’s weird to say I had a crush on them since fictional. I never really understood the whole waifu thing either. I’m not gonna get into that though. Alright, enough stalling so I looked up other people’s answers to these 30 day things and there was one person that put a guy crush and girl crush so I thought it’d be funny to do that as well. So first the girl crush, I was looking at 3 different characters I really liked but I have to name this one.

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Chiaki Nanami

Okay so female crush is definitely Chiaki Nanami from Dangan Ronpa, I was thinking I couldn’t do this because it’s mostly from a visual novel where I really liked her character. She is also in Dangan Ronpa 3 so screw it, she’s an anime character. It was a little complicated picking her because she is also favorite supporting female character which is also on the list. Whatever, Chiaki is such a good character, she’s nice and the best character in that game right next to Komaeda. She is the ultimate gamer and just yeah, I would say more but spoilers as to why she’s such a good character.

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Okabe Rintarou or Hououin Kyouma

So male crush would probably be this guy but I mean I would probably just be friends with this guy because you know mad scientist yo. He might get annoying after a while if I knew him in real life because he is an asshole but he does care about his friends as you see his mind broken down in Steins;Gate. I’m honestly picking characters for today that I liked and thought were interesting opposed to having crushes on them which I guess is what I’m supposed to do? I’m so awkward and thinking too much about this I swear. But yeah these are two of my favorite characters that I just wanted to mention although I’ll probably end up mentioning Steins;Gate and Dangan Ronpa again when going down this 30 day challenge, but let’s go ahead and talk about life experience junk.

Relationships/Crushes As Told by Dandy Daryl

High School was one of those weird moments in life or a series of moments made of embarrassments, stress, and anxiety that parents and other adults love to insist that it is the best time of life. I’m here to tell you it’s not. It definitely is not. It’s funny to me how there’s anime series that take place in high school and a lot of them. A lot of them show high school being cooler than it actually is although there is the drama in those series that’s too close to real life. Like many others, I watch shows, movies, and play video games in order to escape reality even for a bit but today I shall take on reality and stuff that happened in my life in the past. So it’s nothing really traumatic or even remotely interesting. I just have issues with relationships and I’ve been a lonely soul. God, I’m gonna regret this I feel like but I’m gonna tell my story with relationships and I’ll just build this up and disappoint everyone with how kind of boring it is. Alright so I’m gonna start with 6th grade because that’s about the point where the pressure of pairing up with someone started to build up. One thing that I blame for me being this awkward mess of a human being is the fact I moved around a lot! So not gonna mention specific places for fear of someone actually tracking me down somehow.

6th Grade

I moved to this place a year before I was in 5th grade when moving in and going to a new school and I didn’t really have friends, I remember knowing 2 people I hung around one guy was super negative which my parents didn’t want me hanging around him, he ended up moving later or something. This is not about 5th grade though. 6th grade! Getting on track, this guy moved in to the house across the street from me and he was in the same class as me and he was kind of a rival we used to fight a lot, I had anger issues that I still am struggling with today although I’m better. I’m A LOT better with it. So we would get in a  lot of fights and this guy became popular in school in 6th grade. I had my 2 buddies I hung around with one of them was this nerdy guy that would talk about us not being nerds but individuals and for some reason that stuck with me. We also always sat at the end of the table in the cafeteria and here’s the weird point, I was not interested in girls at that point. Or any type of relationship and it kept building up where there were guys that were always flirting and talking about girls. I just liked video games and movies. I don’t know if it was  a sense of innocence and it might have been a normal thing not to be interested in any relationship stuff at that time. However, you had school dances, then just I don’t know that “rival” I mentioned also was someone that just always talked about dating. There was a girl that lived next door that I was friends enough little and I liked her but the rival ended up dating her. Excuse me. “Dating” her. I guess the whole point of going on about all this is just to kind of set up who I am or was at that time. I remember in 5th grade this guy who was the “cool kid” liked my friend but said he shouldn’t hang around a geek like me. I never got that. What was so weird about me. Man this is going to be such a long post but it’s nice to talk about all this even if it’s just typing. The point I wanted to get to, in order to end the 6th grade section is this. There was a kid that I feel like he had it out for me, he slammed me against a locker one time I laughed at his face trying to resist the urge to hit him, because there was no need for it but I remember these girls that followed him around, actually defending him when he got in trouble. I just don’t get it. Also to clarify, I didn’t tell on him, a teacher saw him do it. Another thing is that he started inviting people to a party one time where I think I would have been alright if he actually said he was inviting people. He basically invited everyone in the class except me and my friends which is whatever, I wouldn’t want to go anyway but he called his invitations book marks and handed them out throughout the day where at the end I walked home with my neighbors and they all got one and then one says “Oh he was calling them bookmarks so the losers wouldn’t get sad when not invited.” Just I don’t know. It’s stupid. Sorry I’m going on about random stuff. My whole point was that I wasn’t popular in school but I guess that’s obvious and that things people said stuck with me where I should just forgive and forget right? But I just can’t and it’s weird. I just ended up preferring to be by myself because of all the stuff happening and even getting made fun of for never dating anyone although we were in the 6th grade! I guess this is the point is I never had a crush on anyone, I always told myself I did but I didn’t I would make it up to try to be “cool.”

7th Grade 

I guess it’s nice to get all this stuff out. I haven’t really talked much about personal past experience in school like this except with a friend but I’ll get to that. I’m going to make this blog really long because I’m just going to keep talking. If you read all this, thank you, thank you so much! Alright I’ll continue, this was the intermission

So 7th grade was the weirdest point. I lived in the same place, that rival I talked about moved and my friends moved away and I ended up going to a school with only 2 familiar faces. You know what’s funny? When I would move around, there was one guy that would go to the same places, I would see him everywhere. We knew each other in 1st grade but we weren’t really friends. He tried to be but we were just two different personalities. I just realized I don’t really have any psychological issues due to him like with other people I guess. I don’t necessarily like him and didn’t really like hanging around him but I don’t really have issues with him. That’s funny, I thought I hated this guy and I just sorta realized he didn’t ever do anything or say anything that bad. Interesting. Anyway, I’m gonna try to keep this section short. So in 7th grade people straight up thought I was gay, people used to say “You’re so quiet, are you gay?” It was like a theme. Someone called me gay and I lost my shit and ran at him swinging my keys around. This was at a bus stop and I remember one day at the bus stop this girl laughed at me calling me the guy who got mad when someone called him gay. It would seriously piss me off. There’s nothing wrong with being gay though, hell I’ll admit I’m not necessarily straight. Anyway, yeah. That was the theme, plus I was going to a school that was in a bad neighborhood, 7th grade with people that looked like they were in their 20s and there was a fight every day. I was thinking 7th grade didn’t have anything to do with me having relationship issues besides everyone thinking I was gay and that never really went away but there is more. There was this girl who I had 2 classes with. She was pretty yes. But she was loud. I didn’t get it, but she screamed out of terror when I sat next to her in PE when I was told to sit by her for health class. I thought I was ugly or something was wrong with me. Also funny thing to point out I accidentally said PT before correcting it to PE and yeah I don’t know I thought about the silent hills demo and was thinking yeah that’s about right haha. Anyway yeah she screamed and then later would say I looked like some character from an old sitcom and I remember telling my mom about it being kind of upset and my mom was just like “don’t worry that character is cute” which I don’t think the girl meant it as a compliment like that. I guess I already did have issues before because people used to make fun of my ears but I grew into them or just stopped caring and then there was my last name. Kids just are mean, they find the simplest things and start picking at it. Okay last thing before I move onto talking about High School. So I was never interested in dating but this girl asked me out….as a bet. It was at the end of a class, she walks up to me and goes “I was told to ask you out as a bet, just say no!” I wish I said yes just to mess with her but I didn’t really care about dating but when someone straight up is dared to ask you out? Yeah you start asking questions. I mean I guess that adds to who I am today. I’m gonna have to rename this blog though because this is going deeper than just relationship junk. This is more of why I’m so awkward and weird around people.

8th Grade and High School

Alright 7th grade went a little longer than I planned. I’m going to try to end this monstrosity of a  post but this will probably be the longest part because here is the true reason I’m weird around relationships because this is when people REALLY cared. 8th Grade is first and at this point I was super quiet and I just moved to this place so had to get used to new people and so forth. So move in, that guy I mentioned that I knew since first grade moved at the same point, I would hang around him and his friends that he met pretty quick but they were the people I didn’t really like hanging around. So I ended up going to the wrong classes because I read my schedule wrong but straight up met my first friend because of it. I had band but I went to social studies instead because the schedule was written weird and this one guy I saw him in 3 of my classes, it ended up just being 2 classes because the one class was a mistake but he introduced himself to me with saying we’re in a lot of the same classes so we should stick together. It was like alright and we were pretty good friends for a while. He introduced me to his friends and I became friends with those people and I kept meeting people where I had the biggest group of friends I ever had. One friend was kind of weird, but was my best friend there although later I realized he was an asshole in a way. He liked to point out how awkward I was “Guys! Isn’t he super awkward!” he would always say. I call him Saul just to not have his actual name. Better not call Saul right?? Okay anyway Saul would point out how awkward I am and was always trying to get a girlfriend and another friend I’ll call Ollie would always be setting him up with someone. Or at least trying to. Ollie made a comment calling me gay more than a few times when I would joke about him setting me up with someone. Yeah Ollie was also a dick and throughout the time I knew him, I was friends with him, he dated someone I’ll just call Sarah and I hated Sarah. Which is ironic because Sarah is the only person I stay in contact with today. The only person who is actually a good person or at least I see them as good they may not see it that way. My friend Saul used to ask me constantly who I had a crush on (it came full circle everybody!!!) and I would tell him no one. He would keep insisting that everyone has a crush on somebody and I would say I don’t. Eventually I would just say someone to get him to shut up and wouldn’t you know it, he kept wanting me to ask her out and eventually some guy (who I really hated) heard from Saul and went and told the girl I liked her which I was just like no what? It was a weird time, also I should keep up with this, this is freshman year of high school. So Saul ended up asking a girl out and going out with her and it was a double date, Saul and this girl, and Ollie and Sarah. And who do you think was also there? Yep, it was me. We went to this arcade type place and this is where things get weird the more I think about it. So there was laser tag at this place. And the whole time Sarah and Ollie wanted Saul and this girl to kiss and they were always trying to get them to do it. There was this balcony area that was in the laser tag area where you could watch the matches go on and it was dark so you could imagine what goes on in that area. Anyway, I sat with Saul and the girl while we told jokes, I would tell a stupid cheesy joke and they would fake laugh and be like “oh I like perverted jokes” and would tell something raunchy. I never changed, I like stupid puns. Anyway, yeah they kissed and I was sitting next to them, the one person that didn’t want to see the kiss saw it, while Ollie and Sarah were outside doing something else. I, the third wheel, witnessed the first kiss in the relationship that only lasted a week. I mean people always pointed out how weird and out of place I am especially during this time and yeah I felt out of place, I was hanging around 2 couples on a date, who does that? I do apparently. Through everything I felt closest to these people, I think that’s why I stuck with them although they were just bad.

Still in high school, I don’t know if it was this same night, probably a later point but at the same location. On that balcony area in the laser tag area I remember hanging out with Sarah there, we sat there and just talked and Sarah said “I like how we can talk about anything.” I got my first phone this year I wanna say where Sarah added their number on it immediately when I wasn’t working which I pretended to be angry, I didn’t think I would text them but sure enough they became the only one I texted. I would text Ollie as well but he would get annoyed because my texts sometimes would go too long. The next day Ollie would start talking about what I texted and I would get mad and he would get mad at me for getting mad because he can “talk about whatever he wants!” I texted Sarah a lot but they would get annoyed as well. A lot of people got annoyed with me it appears. There’s one friend I had that I’m not angry with that I don’t talk to anymore. He was a really quiet guy but we would talk about video games and he was genuinely a nice guy, I miss him the most out of all those people. Besides Sarah because I am still friends with them texting every now and then. There was just this focus on relationships and so forth though, I mean it turned out Sarah was only with Ollie because they felt like no one else would love them. Like I said Ollie was an asshole always guilt tripping Sarah and others. He often talked about enjoying messing with stupid people. Gosh I hated that guy! Okay one more thing to mention before getting to the punch line. My first kiss. Yeah that’s right, a ridiculously awkward human being actually locking lips with another human actually connecting with another person? Didn’t expect it did you? Me actually kissing someone? What? okay it’s a lot more anticlimactic than I’m making it out to be. So there was this unvalentine’s day party that me and Saul went to at the library near us and we kinda just sat around playing pokemon which the group of people ended up calling us Ash and Gary. Later Ollie, Sarah, Saul, and myself would hang around these people where there was an hour or so of just playing games in this room in the library. Sarah described that group the best, they were like fake nerds, the kind of people thinking Link’s name is Zelda and only knowing Pikachu out of all the pokemon. I mean we shouldn’t judge but it kind of appeared that way, they were cooler than me and my friends. They were also older so that’s another factor. Anyway after awkward sitting around they decided to play this truth or dare game but it was more about dares than truth. It was like someone would say a dare they want two people to do and they would draw out names out of a cup. And at first they were simple things but then after the librarian person left the room, someone made the dare, “I want these two people to kiss” then drew names randomly and it was me and this girl. And they said if you don’t want to do it you don’t have to. I was just like I’ll do it I don’t care. I know it’s not the most romantic way for a first kiss but people make it out to be a special thing “My first kiss” blah blah. But we kissed and I felt nothing. Later there was another dare and I had to kiss this other girl and so I did that and again, nothing. So I kissed two people in my life and I felt nothing although I guess it wasn’t special anyway. I just expected something different. I mean that didn’t stop me and Saul being all excited about it, holy crap we’re men now! What? I’m just kidding but that’s how it felt I guess. Ironically Saul ended up dating the first girl I kissed and Sarah and I considered him a traitor.

This is when all the drama stuff hit with our friend group. So a friend decided that on his birthday we would straight up sneak into seeing a R rated film. That movie is called Kick Ass and I really wanted to see it but because R rating I wouldn’t be able to see it but my friend was like yeah we’ll get tickets to whatever movie then go to Kick Ass when no one is looking. So we planned this for about a week and when I would meet up with them it would be almost secretive because it was outside of the Sarah, Ollie, and Saul Group I was usually with which Sarah got mad at me because I wouldn’t tell them where I was going whenever I would go to meet up with the other friends. It was mainly because Saul was doing the same kind of thing but they took it out on me instead. I ended up exploding on Saul, Sarah, Ollie eventually though because of them getting mad at me for stupid things. Anyway with me going to see Kick Ass with this other group it got to the point where I started avoiding Ollie, Sarah, and Saul because I just felt depressed whenever with them. I would not talk to them at all and hung around different people (same friend group because big group of friends). One girl I would play cards with every day during lunch. We were just friends but that friend told me they didn’t really fit my style when I said I didn’t hang around them anymore. I think this was Sophomore year because I was gonna move that year and I thought I wouldn’t be friends with those people when I finally left but about a month before the move we hung out again after I went to one of my friend’s birthday parties and he invited them as well and somehow we started talking and laughing again. I think we played a game and were friends instantly again but you could tell there were still issues between us. Sarah ended up not being friends with them when they left a year later. I still talked to Saul for a while until he stopped talking which I was like oh well with that. Sarah broke up with Ollie finally. Then Sarah and I dated long distance and that lasted a couple weeks and they kept dating different people but we were still friends. They don’t talk to me as much and I feel more lonely now but yeah.

Man this turned from talking about crushes and relationships to just talking about friends and the like. Oh I also asked out someone I barely knew and she turned me down and told everyone about how awkward it was. Don’t worry I won’t do anymore blogs this long, if you read all this thank you so much!! My whole point was just how weird everything made me where I never had a crush on anyone so an anime crush is kind of impossible but I could say the characters I loved to watch in the series they’re from. I don’t know if I’ll ever date anyone because I know how I am and that pressure isn’t there as much. Although people keep talking about asking someone out but that won’t go away. I thought I actually liked this one girl although I kind of hate her so I feel like that would be weird if we did go out. I don’t think it would work. I mean the whole point of this blog is people called me ugly, said that I’m weird for not liking anyone, and trying to push me into asking someone out. People will do that. True happiness is not in relationships even though that’s what people say a lot that a girlfriend or boyfriend will make you happy and no that’s not true. You make you happy. I mean it’s important to not let people get you down although it happens a lot.

That’s really all I need to say right now. Like I said, a different blog, but thanks for reading all that, really that means a lot! I feel really bad posting something this big but I feel better writing all that and I mean maybe it’ll help someone. Know that you’re not the only awkward weird person out there. Not alone. I’m not gonna post anymore personal experiences like this for a while, I feel weird for posting this one. Anyway I’m done going on and on, thanks for reading all that if you did, bye for now! I’ll be here tomorrow talking about something else.

One thought on “Crushes and Past Experiences

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